HOW TO UNLOVE and It is not what you think it is

“Nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished” – Lao Tzu

How do we un-love? When our heart is broken, when we feel pain, when we suffer…

Love is a powerful energy. It can make you miserable, it can motivate you. To some, it can be their downfall.

We were taught at a young age to be kind, generous and to love. Is it all that should be taught?

The reality is, life is not all flowers and butterflies. The other side of It can be harsh, dangerous, frigid. How do we teach our selves to un-love on cue when needed?

To put it in a better perspective, how do we prepare our children to become strong and withstand a life full of challenges ahead?
After all, life is all full of different situations and it is all up to how well we manage our emotions to achieve happiness, peace and success.

How do you self regulate to be joyful in a depressing situation? and how do you calm your mind in an anxious circumstance?

Un-loving is part of the binary that completes the energy. It is not hate nor anger or anything negative. It is similar to standing up after you have fallen down and just walked back again. It is about moving forward, keeping the lessons and leaving the emotions behind a.k.a WISDOM.

That to me is an analogy I would use to describe how to un-love.
To do this, you first need two undervalued currencies.

Attention and TIME

Yes, both are currencies. Where attention goes, energy flows and where money flows. Ever notice how companies are competing for our attention? Open your email, your social media, walk down the street. I am sure you know what I am talking about. You may not know it but in today’s world, we are the commodities. That explains why our attention is a currency.
On to the topic of un-loving, use this currency called attention simply by looking at your emotions as if it was another commodity in the street then followed through by allowing TIME to take its course.
We all need time to do things. It is the ultimate currency that will always be on our side. We are all given the Now to work on whatever we need to do.

Having these two currencies on our side, there are three things that worked for me (and with my son- fyi to moms out there).

  1. Let it BE. The first step to learning is to experience it.
    Meaning, experience life. Allow the emotion, do not deny it, embrace it, acknowledge it and describe it if you can. This works for kids too. When they are feeling upset and angry, instead of asking them to stop crying and deny them of the emotions, you can acknowledge and say that it is okay to feel sad or disappointed then followed by asking them to tell you what happened. This allows them to process and describe their emotions that can serve as a relief.
  2. We don’t really inculcate to our children the possibility of death, rather we emphasize their youthfulness by reminding them to be careful instead. When we have this mindset, it is easy to forget, it is easy to get carried away and feel immortal.
    So I also remind myself that anytime I can die and that none of these emotions will matter after. That is the reality of life, a reminder that time is running out for us everyday and that we should be seizing the moment as much as we can. Time is the most valuable currency of all however it is always taken for granted. We can see how much money we have left in the bank, but with time, we will never know how much more is left.

  3. Lastly, be patient. Anything great takes time, anything that needs to grow takes time and we need to acknowledge and accept that. We are passersby, travelers and there is no end goal but death. So, by now a skillset that we should be learning is to learn how to enjoy life, be patient no matter the situation.

It’s definitely a process that is not a walk in the park and I think there should be a balance in everything. We would not be able to understand pain if we have not ever felt relief, darkness and light, sunrise, sunset, of black or white, anger and joy. It is like a rollercoaster ride, we should sit back and enjoy the ride.

Read my article: How do you live your life to the fullest, be happy, appreciate what you have in a time of uncertainty? – According to an INFJ


Photo by Yaroslav Shuraev on

Yesterday my son taught me to conquer my fear by rollerblading with him downhill from the playground. He has no problem just casually rolling down the downhill pavement holding his drink from the vending machine.

He was a natural and I was proud.

It has been five days since I took upon myself to conquer my fear and join my son into learning something new. After all, it would be a shame to teach my son to do this and that and show him even the proper posture if I myself does not know how to do it at all.
Looking back, I do not regret it and realized that if I have not done it, I would definitely have regretted it.
I am amazed on how fast my son learned just in a span of five days. So I wonder, why do kids learn so fast? how they do it? and a side note question, why do they seem so happy all the time?

And the answer is something we already know which is also simple and easy to apply.
They do not have any inhibitions. They do not care, they do not give a fuck. They are fearless, they have no issues falling down or making mistakes. They just believe they can. They know what they want and they go for it.
Kids make friends, they play, they do not judge, they run around.
They have no concept of time and money. They are in their default state of abundance. And for them the possibilities are endless.
My son would say, buy me this, open the aircon, order me a Chameleon, can you buy me a Tiger? I want to try this and that.
Of course you would at best always have to manage your time and finances so you really cannot say yes to everything they say (so use your rational mind for this), what we can learn from them is a daily reminder of our default state of abundance, of greatness, of our true potential, our super power and it is not latent! It is already in us!

But how can you prove there is abundance in my life when all I can experience is lack? It is your perspective, that is how you have associated meaning into your experiences and circumstances.

You do have abundance, you just focus on the lack aspect of your life. There is abundance in air, food, space, love, energy, care, wealth. Money is everywhere. Opportunities are everywhere. We all have the power to change and the power to choose and the good news is that we can immediately tap into it whenever we need to. The super power I am talking about is by tapping into your kid state. Your playfulness. We all have it. We just forgot about it because of how we were brought up, how society has conditioned us. The routine and the norm. Adults, are conditioned beings, a sum of experiences, logic and memories, so we do have a lot of inhibitions. We are scared, and after all that is our brain’s role which is to protect us from harm and to keep us safe.

So how can the the kid in us bring us the super power and perhaps bring abundance? Everything we have now, is an attestation of our beliefs and experiences. Our reality. Our standards. Relating this back to the newly found activity with my son, to be able to gain back your super power is to start by letting down your guard, just do it, take action and have fun! I projected an image that I can rollerblade hand and hand with son. I am proof of it and so can you! I know it may seem easier said than done but we need to remember that when we were young, every thing was exciting, and that is how our life should be! To be able to enjoy it joyously.
Everyday is an exciting quality abundant life that we should always achieve! Remember the child in you, your playfulness and so then your youthfulness and abundance will be a by product eventually.