HOW TO UNLOVE and It is not what you think it is

“Nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished” – Lao Tzu

How do we un-love? When our heart is broken, when we feel pain, when we suffer…

Love is a powerful energy. It can make you miserable, it can motivate you. To some, it can be their downfall.

We were taught at a young age to be kind, generous and to love. Is it all that should be taught?

The reality is, life is not all flowers and butterflies. The other side of It can be harsh, dangerous, frigid. How do we teach our selves to un-love on cue when needed?

To put it in a better perspective, how do we prepare our children to become strong and withstand a life full of challenges ahead?
After all, life is all full of different situations and it is all up to how well we manage our emotions to achieve happiness, peace and success.

How do you self regulate to be joyful in a depressing situation? and how do you calm your mind in an anxious circumstance?

Un-loving is part of the binary that completes the energy. It is not hate nor anger or anything negative. It is similar to standing up after you have fallen down and just walked back again. It is about moving forward, keeping the lessons and leaving the emotions behind a.k.a WISDOM.

That to me is an analogy I would use to describe how to un-love.
To do this, you first need two undervalued currencies.

Attention and TIME

Yes, both are currencies. Where attention goes, energy flows and where money flows. Ever notice how companies are competing for our attention? Open your email, your social media, walk down the street. I am sure you know what I am talking about. You may not know it but in today’s world, we are the commodities. That explains why our attention is a currency.
On to the topic of un-loving, use this currency called attention simply by looking at your emotions as if it was another commodity in the street then followed through by allowing TIME to take its course.
We all need time to do things. It is the ultimate currency that will always be on our side. We are all given the Now to work on whatever we need to do.

Having these two currencies on our side, there are three things that worked for me (and with my son- fyi to moms out there).

  1. Let it BE. The first step to learning is to experience it.
    Meaning, experience life. Allow the emotion, do not deny it, embrace it, acknowledge it and describe it if you can. This works for kids too. When they are feeling upset and angry, instead of asking them to stop crying and deny them of the emotions, you can acknowledge and say that it is okay to feel sad or disappointed then followed by asking them to tell you what happened. This allows them to process and describe their emotions that can serve as a relief.
  2. We don’t really inculcate to our children the possibility of death, rather we emphasize their youthfulness by reminding them to be careful instead. When we have this mindset, it is easy to forget, it is easy to get carried away and feel immortal.
    So I also remind myself that anytime I can die and that none of these emotions will matter after. That is the reality of life, a reminder that time is running out for us everyday and that we should be seizing the moment as much as we can. Time is the most valuable currency of all however it is always taken for granted. We can see how much money we have left in the bank, but with time, we will never know how much more is left.

  3. Lastly, be patient. Anything great takes time, anything that needs to grow takes time and we need to acknowledge and accept that. We are passersby, travelers and there is no end goal but death. So, by now a skillset that we should be learning is to learn how to enjoy life, be patient no matter the situation.

It’s definitely a process that is not a walk in the park and I think there should be a balance in everything. We would not be able to understand pain if we have not ever felt relief, darkness and light, sunrise, sunset, of black or white, anger and joy. It is like a rollercoaster ride, we should sit back and enjoy the ride.

Read my article: How do you live your life to the fullest, be happy, appreciate what you have in a time of uncertainty? – According to an INFJ

DO THIS METHOD: How you can change your life just in one day.

Imagine, watching yourself being born.
On that very present moment, you will realize that as you inhaled your first breath and cried to imprint your existence, you were immediately gifted with TIME.

Just two days ago, I celebrated my birthday via a virtual set up.
It was a fuzz free, bring your own drink birthday celebration organized just a day in advance at the convenience of our laptops and video screens. At the last minute, my guests donned a presentable outfit in lieu of the usual ‘work from home’ lazy look because after all, it is wont to dress up something nice for birthdays.

On a previous article I wrote, How to overcome loneliness the counter intuitive way, I emphasized the importance of also ‘looking outside’ instead of just solely looking within.

A situation can either be good or bad, it depends on how you put meaning to it.

Just two days after the first day of the year 2020, the president of the United States ambushed and killed a high rank military official in Iran. A day after, bushfires quickly spread across Australia then a little over a week, Taal volcano erupted in the Philippines. After a few days, we came to realize that there is an even bigger catastrophe that will change our lives all together, forever.

As social beings, clearly there is nothing good about this situation but in hindsight it has become a breather.

Pollution abated, family ties coalesced and wild life flourished.

Just like how each flora and fauna plays an important role in the diversity of the life cycle, so as each person to a nation, to a country and to the world.

Everything is energy, every thing needs to move and be transferred. This concept is applicable to anything that you can imagine in our life.

Our bodies for example is meant to be on the move.
As we move, we burn energy.
Love needs to be shared to expand, it must be given and it must be received.
Money is meant to be spent to circulate. All of these to the point that I like to make is a cycle and is meant to be a give and take relationship.
And because we are in a cycle, all of us play a role.

Unfortunately, this cycle ushers us to drift and to live our lives unconsciously. We essentially forget an important resource that can immediately change our life just in one day.

We all have the capability to discern, to choose and to decide our next action and it is a gift that was granted to us from the moment that we were born. If we shift our mindset by leveraging time, it gives us the power to instantaneously change the Now.

Practice to shift your mindset everyday, one at a time, to instill good thoughts. Confucius said “It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you don’t stop”.
As you continue to build good thoughts, so as your habits, then everything else will follow.

Always, achieve to have an exciting, quality and abundant life!